Choosing to adopt is taking a giant leap of faith but so is choosing to be a parent in general. This week's Infertility + Loss Real Talk session highlights the logistical and emotional processees, fundraising, and key takeaways for anyone considering this path to parenthood. Founder, Jessica Walter, shares her personal account in addition to this information in the recap below.
Initial Steps
Think about the level of openness you are comfortable with involving your child's birth people. Are you ok with any amount such as a letter or photo once a year, or do you prefer no contact? This is ultimately your decision and you need to make sure whichever you decide is what you can live with. There is no wrong answer.
Research adoption agencies and choose the one that meets your needs most. You are going to get to know these people and need to be ok with sharing a lot about yourself. Make sure the reviews are favorable and the company is reputable.
A lot of paperwork. Once you have confirmed your agency, they will have you submit a background check and fill out paperwork that captures your financial and emotional stability. It seems like a lot but they need to make sure you are ready to bring a child into your home.
The interview of interviews. Your home study will take place next. This is when your caseworker will get to know you, your home life, and parenting preferences. The point of this it to make sure you are ready to be a parent via adoption as well as find you the best match when it comes to placement for your future child.
Sales and Marketing. This next step seems daunting because it is your opportunity to showcase your family. This is your chance to express and display, via photos, the love you have for bringing a child in your home. Various people choosing to place those unborn babes for adoption will be looking at this and choosing the family they think will be best. It sounds scary, but remind yourself that you are worthy of being a parent to any child and that will be seen.
You've got a match. Once you are selected, you will be matched with a birth person. This is a huge step in the process and your first chance to breathe. You've got the initial hard part done now and are eagerly waiting for your little to be born.
Your baby's birthday. The day your baby is born is beautiful and terrifying. It is natural to be afraid of what this day looks like- which will depend on what you and your birth person decide. However the arrangement may be, once you are holding your babe, it will all feel like it was meant to be. Now you just have one more step.
The legal risk period is the time after birth until the birth person signs off their rights. The timing and regulations on this will vary by state. During this time, before the rights have beens signed off, the birth person can legally change their mind. This sounds like and is the scariest part of the process, but more times than not ends up being a happy ending. Once this part if over, you can let out your final breath because everything is just a formality from here on out.
The Adoption Day is an exciting next step. This is when you are finally before the judge and they make your family official. Honestly, it was before this in your hearts, but you get that piece off paper saying so. Congrats, you made it!
Emotional Rollercoaster
This process is not easy because there is little you can control. There are steps you can take to help manage the natural fears that occur.
Pray, mediate, or practice something to ease your mind.
Talk to loved ones that will support you during this unchartered time.
Remind yourself that happy endings exist and people do walk away with the child they have so desperately wanted.
Fundraising
The cost of adoption is expensive as are most methods for growing your family when you aren't able to through natural conception. There are resources to help ease this burden, though.
Apply for grants. We, as well as many others provide grants for adoption. Apply to as many as you can.
Crowd funding through sources like adoptogether.org is a great way to allow others to help.
Hold your own fundraiser at a local business like a bowling ally.
Get with a creative friend who is willing to teach a class, make something, or contribute in others ways.
Some state governments offer tax credits.
Takeaways
No matter how you become a parent, your child is your own.
You are worthy of parenthood.
Your love for your child will be the same love as it would have had you birthed them. They don't have to grow under your heart to grow in it.
You can do this.
For more on adoption, watch today's session here.