It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Seeing those two bright pink lines was all I should have needed.
But it wasn’t and I wouldn’t be able to breathe until our blood work came back.
Hearing how high our HCG levels were should have reassured me.
But it didn’t and I knew I wouldn’t focus on anything else until I knew they doubled.
Listening to your perfect heartbeat while watching it flicker on the screen was supposed to make all my worries disappear.
But it didn’t because I was painfully aware of how fleeting this time could be.
Surviving the first trimester was going to be when I would start to feel confident.
But it wasn’t because I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You see, loss has ruined this mama’s heart too many times.
Each milestone that passes is one step closer, which also means more devastation when it doesn’t work out.
Loss is waiting for the bad news to come while you barely hold on to whatever time you have left- pleading with your unborn babe to stay.
Just a little longer.
So for now, I wait. I wait for the bad to win while you continue to remind me you aren’t going anywhere ♥️
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