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Mother's Day for the Mama Who's Still Waiting

You long for the days when Mother's Day was simply making your own mom a decorative card and serving her breakfast in bed. Meeting her for brunch with your siblings and taking her shopping both sound perfect right now. Unfortunately, those days have long passed. Although you are still looking forward to celebrating your awesome mama, the yearning for those homemade cards and tiny arms embracing you consumes you. Another Mother's Day draws near and you are reminded, again, of what you don't have but everyone else seems to- children. Holidays are hard enough, but Mother's Day cuts another level deeper into your broken soul. Is this what it is always going to be like? No, Mother's Day will not always inflict so much pain, so until then, you need to protect your heart.

Talk it Out

Your feelings are valid and it's important you know that. Having a holiday dedicated to what you want more than anything is pretty cruel. Obviously, Mother's Day is intended to spread love, but for the 1 in 8 who experience infertility, it's a reminder of what they long for. Talking about how unfair this is or where your head space is at, is crucial. Our minds can be our worst enemies when we allow ourselves to wallow in our pain. Thoughts can lead us down dark paths. Often times, letting those thoughts out into words can make us realize we are going to be ok. Don't forget that. You ARE going to be ok. Find someone you trust and let them know what you are going through.

Do You

Our first Mother's Day married was hard for me. We lost our first pregnancy that December and it wrecked me. So here we were many months past it, and I was struggling. My mom was a major support system for me so let me dictate what we did for Mother's Day. All I wanted to do was lay down and get in a good cry, but she was adamant we do something fun. I knew she was right so took charge of the day. We went out to brunch, walked around downtown East Lansing, and ended the day with ice cream. It was a perfect day and every year after that, I planned fun things I knew my mom and I would look forward to. Did these fun plans erase all of my pain and longing? Of course not, but it made a hard day transform to a good day.

Be Honest

Only you can be your best advocate. Don't go along with plans out of obligation. If being out with a bunch of moms is too hard, then don't go. You live the infertility world




so be honest and make your voice heard. This is your realty and you need to be able to live it as calmly as you can. Tell people why this day is hard and maybe they will learn something new. Your story is yours to tell if you wish.

Being a mama who is still waiting to meet their little is always hard, so don't let each Mother's Day take another piece of you away. Take the reins and show how little control infertility will have on you.

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