top of page

Jessica’s Journey: Part 11- Expect the Unexpected

Updated: Apr 5, 2022

January 6th, 2018

For those who know me even a little, they are fully aware of how much of a planner I am. Even if I am sitting still, my mind is likely still racing and planning the next.....whatever there is to plan. You'd think by 32 that I would have learned by now that life does NOT work that way. I have a little. Obviously by now I thought we would have had a little toddler running around and that has not come to be. So when an unexpected miracle came into our life, I was definitely thrown completely off and in a big, bad, beautiful way. The Planny Mcplannertons is learning to just embrace because I have no idea what my future stores, but I do know the big guy upstairs is looking out. You'll see why soon.

I was home sick December 7th, which worked out well because that was the 2 year mark since our 1st miscarriage. I know two years have passed, but you never get over it. You simply learn to live with it. I laid low and started binge watching This is Us, which was such a dumb idea due to all the emotions it stirred, but I couldn't stop. Later in the day, I got a Facebook message from a girl I went to high school with asking me if she could ask me a personal question. My first thought was wondering if it was about adopting a baby, but then I soon scolded myself for always assuming something is about babies. Apparently it is all I think about nowadays. Crazy enough, that is EXACTLY what it was about. She said she had a cousin who had a 10 month old and found out she was pregnant. She decided she wanted to place it into a family who would adopt it. My high school friend, we will call her Kelly for privacy reasons, said she immediately thought of my husband and I after following our journey to parenthood.

My guard went up as I have learned not to get my hopes up when things seem too good to be true and this definitely did. I asked if she was sure her cousin wanted to do this and if she was ok with a closed adoption. I thought if I didn't like what I heard, that would be a sign to stop right there. However, it was the exact opposite. She was very confident in her decision and only wanted photos throughout the child's life showing it was loved and happy. I couldn't believe it. Was this really about to happen? My next checkpoint was talking to my husband. He is the rational one and I figured if he was on board, we were good to proceed. The minute he got home, I told him everything and he was thrilled. Yes cautious with so much unknown at this point, but we were both thrilled for the chance to be parents to this little miracle. Now I had to reach out to the birth mother.

Kelly gave me the name of the birthmother, which we will refer to as Kate. I wanted Kate to know our story and why we wanted this so badly. Typing it all out was intense, but I needed her to know what we had been through and the significance of finding this all out exactly 2 years after losing our first baby. Going about my work day waiting to hear from her was torture, but once she responded, I was again blown away by how truly amazing this whole thing was turning out to be. Kate and I talked all day and were on the same page for everything. She said everything to reassure me of my fears such as how she wanted the adoptive parents to feel like the parents from the get go. She wanted them to attend all of her appointments and be there when the baby was born. She said she didn't want them to worry about any interference in their parenting and all she asked were for photos. I'll never forget her saying she wanted Christmas cards and that we seemed like the couple to send those, I laughed at her accurateness. We agreed to take her to dinner and meet her so she could get a feel for us. In my mind, we would hopefully find out then if she wanted us to adopt the baby. Little did I know how much would ensue in the next week until then.

I had a week to wait to meet the birth mother of our potential future baby and had to do something to keep my mind busy. I researched the adoption process as we were in a special situation with already potentially having a match. I found out that in the state of Michigan, you must go through an agency if unrelated to the baby. I called several and was successful with Bethany Christian Services. Julie, our caseworker, was amazing and gave me all of the information needed to get the process started. She even gave me a name and number for Kate's caseworker so she could reach out. I let Kate know right away and Kate pulled through, as always, and met with her the day before our dinner. I was so terrified because I knew her caseworker's job was to give Kate all of her options which meant keeping the baby or even choosing another family. I had no control over this conversation or the results and it was absolute torture.

Our drive to dinner was quiet. You could tell Tim and I were both excited and nervous. It was the interview of a lifetime and we had to pass. The minute I saw Kate, we hugged. I had so much appreciation for this beautiful person who made a selfless sacrifice for this baby. She and Tim hugged and then she handed him her adorable son Joey to play with. The dinner went perfect. We showed her pictures of our family and were able to talk about our traditions, family history, and anything else either party wanted to know. It ended with her reassuring us she chose us and she let her caseworker know that. She also told us her why. She was holding Joey and said he was her world. She needed to do whatever she could to give him the best life and couldn't do this with another baby. I had and will always have so much respect and love for this woman. We left knowing the next step was to get into the doctor.

After several failed attempts to see a doctor due to Medicaid being as difficult as possible, I was able to find a practice that would see us and we had our first appointment January 2nd. It felt surreal as she introduced us as the adoptive parents and handed us the paperwork the nurse handed her. She also let us decide if we wanted to do genetic testing and find out the gender. Which of course we can't wait for. Our next appointment will allow us to see our baby for the first time and find out if he or she is a he or she. Thank goodness we have things to do in the meantime for my type-A brain.

Given this is a different way in which to go about adopting, our path isn't the norm. We have our match and are now going through the agency process which entails orientation, more paper work than applying for a mortgage, background checks, finger printing, 30 hours of education, medical exams, and a home study. Don't even get me started on the financing and fundraising entailed as well. I don't care about any of it though because it all brings us to our little bundle of sweetness.

Even as seamless as this seems, don't be fooled. It is exciting and terrifying all in one. Kate legally can change her mind at any point until she signs off her rights when the baby is born. Yes, she has given me all of the reassurance I could ask for and then some, but I have to protect us too. We will get the necessities before the baby arrives, but otherwise will wait until he or she is here for the nursery and any showers. It doesn't mean we aren't excited, it just means we are fully aware of the risk involved. If she does change her mind, it will break our hearts because we already love this baby and he or she has already brought so much joy to our hearts, but we will just go back to the original path of IVF in the fall and pursue adoption that next year if that doesn't work. Now that we are this far into it, I pray and pray this new plan that even a month ago I knew nothing about is what comes to fruition, but I just have to embrace the unknown and trust God. He truly does have our backs.

25 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page