top of page

Jessica’s Journey: Part 15- It was Always You

July 9th, 2018

Our beautiful boy is sitting beside me as I type this. My fingers will not give justice to the overwhelming joy our hearts feel, but I will try my best. On June 11th, at 3:09 am, we received the call that would change our lives forever...

The Call

The call came early on a Monday morning that was two days after his due date. My husband and I rushed to the hospital. We were joined with both of who created him which made it that much more beautiful. The contractions came hard and fast leaving us with little time as he made his appearance at 6:05 am. This moment will be engraved in us forever.

There He Was

I will always cherish the moments leading up to his birth and what transpired after. I breathed with his birth mother and rubbed her back. I wanted so bad to take away all of the physical pain she had as she was giving us this amazing gift. She couldn't have an epidural because we were too close which only added to my guilt. The nurse then asked her who she wanted to hold him and in the middle of her contraction, she said me adamantly. As she did the only three pushes she would need, our beautiful boy came out and he was perfect. As he entered our world, she unzipped my sweatshirt so that I could have skin-to-skin time. This selfless person who was giving us the best gift we could imagine, was also making sure I got all of my mommy moments. For this I am forever indebted. The nurses took him to be cleaned and give him his shots all while he was crying. I went to him and said, " Hi Edison, Mommy loves you so much. You are absolutely perfect." He looked up at me and stopped crying while wrapping his tiny fingers around mine. Just like that, everything else stopped and it was just my son and I. Tim came over to join us after making sure she was ok, and then it was the three of us. Our family. He looked at us both and immediately stole our hearts even more than he already had.

48 Hours of Anxiety

The hospital stay is where you have the highest chance of a birth parent changing their mind. Needless to say, we were on pins and needles, but really had all the reassurance anyone could ask for. Edison, Tim, and I had our own room with him and then Tim got her donuts. I went to see her later to visit and it was like it always had been. We laughed, cried, and she still admitted being confident. Tim and I had the rest of the day to enjoy our sweet boy and would be discharged in two days.

The next day we found out that she had placed Edison William Walter on his birth certificate which is unheard of for a birth parent. Her case worker advised against it (usually the child would have the name of the biological parent until the final hearing) because that would be his legal name, but she knew what she wanted. This was so reassuring for us and came at the perfect time because soon her, his birth father, and biological brother would come to see him. They got time alone with him, which was a good thing, as it gave them time to process this major decision. It was the longest 7 minutes of my life, but needed. When returning to our sweet son, his biological father told my husband congratulations. I then sent two pictures to her, one with her holding him and one with me. I told her how grateful I was to her and she did the same. Later that day, she and his biological father came to say their final goodbyes. The four of us cried and hugged. We've spent 8 months bonding and getting to know people who gave us the best gift and now were starting the next chapter which wouldn’t be together anymore. It truly was bittersweet. We then thanked one another for this beautiful journey and said goodbye.

We Can Finally Breath

Since then, 4 weeks have passed. Today was the day she terminated her rights which places full legal custody to us. He is ours and we don't have the fear in the background of minds changing. Looking back at the process as a whole, I truly believe we had the BEST experience you could hope for. She stuck to her word all along and was so reassuring when she didn't owe me anything. This beautiful soul gave us our son and always made us feel like he was ours from day one.

Now that her rights are terminated, she cannot change her mind and his biological father already signed his paperwork. All that is left is for us to go to court to receive a new birth certificate with our names attached. Think of the day she terminated her rights as the day a couple gets married. They are husband and wife. Think of our court date as the day a woman changes her last name, officially, after being married.

The Journey

This summer will be 3 years since Tim and I were married. Three years of trying, begging, praying, pleading for a baby. There have been many days I lost myself in our 3 miscarriages and constant yearning to be a mother, but now as I stare into my son's eyes. I know it was all part of the plan and as hard as those moments were, they lead me to exactly where I am supposed to be. It was worth every one of pain and grief because my heart is so filled with unconditonal love and joy for this little boy, that I can't even remember feeling that way anymore. Its as if he was always here and we just had to find him. The three of us were meant to be and all it took was being open to the plan set forth. I embrace whatever life has in store for us and am a changed person because I now see you do just have to open your mind and heart to your faith and know that it will all be ok.

20 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page