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Infertility Series: Frozen in Time - Part 1

July 7th, 2019

Looking back at where this blog started and where our journey began is indescribable. I feel the term "blessed" is tossed around too often, but blessed is exactly how I feel. Our perfect little boy turned 1 in June and seeing the person he is becoming, even at 1 year of age, is exciting. He is adventurous yet cuddly, outgoing yet needs time to make sure he trusts you, is confident and knows he is loved.

When we first found out about him and the cost of adoption, we were more than OK with him being our one and only. We still share that mentality, but after he was four months old, my husband mentioned the idea of giving him a sibling. Having a child changes your perspective in many facets, which I know all of my parent friends are well aware of, but what I didn't expect was that the wanting for another child has nothing to do with the parents, but for the first born. We want him to have a sibling if that is in God's plan. You are all keenly aware of our inability to do so without assistance so that leaves us with IVF. Adopting again definitely crossed our minds, but we also know there is no way we can guarantee the perfect scenario we had with him and the cost is also something to factor in. IVF was the original plan prior to having him, and I want to look back and know that we tried all that we could to give him a sibling. If it isn't meant to be, then we will be so privileged to have our family of three (plus a puppy when he is a tad older).

We held off on any IVF appointments until after he was one. I didn't and have no intention of ever having this impact his life in any way but positive. I wanted to soak in his first birthday and second summer in this world, so we started the process a few weeks ago.

Through more testing for both of us, we were happy to find out neither of us have chromosomal abnormalities and our blood work all checked out favorable. I still am deemed as PCOS suspicious as I do not meet the typical measures. My body simply doesn't want to do what it should each month due to a hormonal imbalance. I am not pre nor diabetic, but Metformin seems to help regulate me so it's back to taking those meds each month. I was hoping that would be the only pre- IVF homework I would need, but life threw another curve ball.

I had to have a SHG test done. Before I go over the findings, I need you to know this is not fun. I was told "mild cramping" and this is so not the case. Ladies, they stick a catheter through your cervix in order for liquid to fill your uterus before taking a 3D look into your lady parts. My cervix was not having it so my 34 year old self was the gal crying in the exam room telling them it hurt. Not one of my finer moments, but I am sure they have seen it all. I do have to give kudos to my husband for making me laugh per usual and the sweet doctor for reminding me to breath so I didn't pass out.

The SHG test results showed that my septum in my uterus still needs more surgery. If you remember from September 2016, I had this surgery and was told it was all removed, at least as much as they could, and I was fine. The new doctor we are seeing said there is still 14 mm left (this is down from 35 mm) and could be why we miscarried twice after. This does make sense given miscarriage number three left them unable to find anything on an ultrasound even though my blood work kept saying I was pregnant. If the baby implants on your septum, there is inadequate blood flow and they do not make it. Needless to say I was taken aback as I didn't think I would need to have this again. I even debated pulling the plug all together and just saying we are good as is. What notion I couldn't get passed was getting pregnant, somehow, naturally and continuing to miscarry. It seems inevitable and I don't want that for us. So I am going to have the surgery in a few weeks and am making it a positive thing. My fondest memories of my last surgery was waking up to a Diet Coke and peanut butter crackers from my hubby, which tasted fantastic, so I've got those in my near future.

Once the surgery is completed and they can see they have gotten all of that pesky septum, we should be set to start our first IVF cycle in October. The ever-changing plan for now is to proceed with one cycle in October and try one more implantation in January, if that doesn't work, then accept the plan revealed. What I have learned from all of this is that I don't know what will happen and I fully intend to embrace the unknown as I ride this next adventure with my favorite guys. Regardless of the outcome, I have all I need right now and to be on that side of things going through all of this will give me the strength I need.

More to come as we get closer to our first IVF cycle.

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