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Another Holiday Missing Our Babies

Updated: Mar 16, 2022

Tomorrow is a rough day in our house. It will be exactly 4 years since I found out I was pregnant with our Poppy.

It wasn’t my first positive test - but it was the first one since my ectopic pregnancy and over a year of unexplained infertility. I remember the instant excitement. Then the instant fear that it would end the same way. But while we celebrated - for that brief time - everything had worked itself out.

That is honestly the last time I remember being at peace during any of my pregnancies.

A few days later, we discovered it was in fact another ectopic pregnancy. And then a few days after that I was having emergency surgery to remove my ruptured fallopian tube.

St. Patrick’s Day used to be one of my most favorite ‘silly’ holidays; but now I find it a sad reminder of not just one of my babes that we lost but also the loss of what I imagined pregnancy and the whole process to be.

Infertility and loss has a horrible and unique way of taking away things that we once enjoyed. So tomorrow I spend a lot of time thinking about all the babes I lost, but also all the babes that we’ve all lost and how crappy this all is.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts, feelings, or even your anger.

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